Cool flapping chicken graphic

Annual Spring Internet Yard Sale
March 2001

A Number of Truly Splendid and Select Items
from My Toolshed, Attic, Garage, Basement, and Elsewhere!

My usual payment policy is in effect: No personal checks! Send cash or postal money orders only upon my notifying you of your successful purchase. Actual shipping charges will be paid by you, the purchaser. And be sure you really, really want the item(s), because there are

ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY NO REFUNDS & NO RETURNS!

Items listed here which do not sell by June 1, 2001, will be offered for sale at my Huge Late Spring Yard Sale--Hundreds of Items!

Friday and Saturday, June 1 and 2, 2001
10 A.M. to 5 P.M. only!
45 Clinton Street
Centerboro, New York

Early Birds Will Be Prosecuted for Trespassing!
.


Man-From-Mars Totem Head Many years ago, I donned this wonderful item just once to try it on for a Chamber of Commerce Hallowe'en party and then carefully refolded it and returned it to its mailer package. It hasn't been seen in public since. The effect was somewhat less dramatic than I had hoped, but since it cost me only two bits, it wasn't a great loss. I believe that this cereal premium would be worth many times its original cost now, and I offer it here at what certainly is a reasonable price to a completely fanatical collector of such ephemera.

$550.00
(Sold)

Centerboro mansion for sale Here's a literal yard for sale and your chance to start a new life by relocating to one of the finest older houses in Centerboro. As a personal favor, I am acting as the sole agent for an old Centerboro family whose last Centerboro resident has just had to be put into a nursing home. The remaining family members all live out of state, and they are most anxious to dispose of this property before it becomes the target of vandals. Although the house is in need of a few repairs, it is technically in move-in condition. All the lead pipes have been replaced, the sewer connection fixed, and the birds cleared out of the third floor and the tower. The first floor kitchen, while not remodeled, does feature a walk-in pantry. There are also a formal dining room, a living room, a music room complete with a McPhail baby grand piano, and a sunroom on the first floor. The second floor contains four spacious bedrooms and a centrally-located bath with shower. The third floor has its charming original barred windows which date back to the days when one of the less stable members of the family was "kept" at home. The view from the airy, open porch is of Mayor Sibney Memorial Park. Since the curfew was imposed on everyone under eighteen, very few of Centerboro's hooligans hang out there anymore, and those that do are the type who prefer not to attract a whole lot of attention. I will be glad to e-mail a complete description of this very desirable property to those seriously interested in it. If you are not concerned about the quality of public education in Centerboro or opportunities for lucrative employment within fifty miles of your residence, then this house is definitely worth a look! The asking price is a very attractive

$225,499.00
(Sorry...Sold!)

Chocolate pig mold Here's just the thing for a Freddyite...a very nice pig mold from Germany which my mother employed to make chocolates. (She also had a hen, a lamb, a duckie, and an airplane, but I don't know what happened to them.) On the inside it says it was made in Berlin by H. Walter. This no doubt qualifies as a "vintage" item, although it is not "mint" in any sense. In the spirit of full disclosure, I will admit to having used one half as an ashtray when I smoked, but it has cleaned up nicely, and now what a splendid gift to yourself it would make! (N.B. I will not split this item up. It's both sides of the ham or nothing.)

$500.00
(Sold)

Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy And now following hard on the heels of the pig mold...a well-meaning (I think) reader--but perhaps he was only being waggish--sent me an entire case of 5.5 oz. cans of Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy to "test drive" for my Year 2001 Eating Plan. Personally, I found this product to be unpalatable, but you may find it perfectly delightful. The ingredients are listed thusly: "Pork brains, milk. Less than 2 percent: Water, corn starch, salt, sodium nitrite. (Cholesterol: 3500 mg per can, or 1170% of the daily value.)" My benefactor gave me to understand that pork brains scrambled with eggs are quite good, but you couldn't prove it by me. I have 23 cans left, and I will sell the lot for $23.00. If you have any further questions about this product, you should contact The Dial Corp. at 1-800-528-0849. By the way, my sale of this item does not imply that I am suggesting you actually eat it or serve it to any other human being or pet. That would be up to you. De gustibus non est disputandum! I hereby absolve myself of any physical or emotional problems you may experience after ingesting any amount of this product. Caveat emptor! 

$23.00
(Sorry...Sold!)

Mr. Ed costume On the lighter side, Walter R. Brooks fanatics will appreciate this desirable, mint condition Mr. Ed Hallowe'en costume. Once upon a time I purchased it for one of Cousin Dougal's offspring, and the unappreciative little so-and-so refused to wear it. It has languished in my attic for a great number of years now, and aside from a little atticky smell (which will vanish, I am sure, with several days airing on a clothesline), it is in completely new condition. So, "Yak, yak, yak," and what do you say to a mere

$279.99
(Sold)

Bug Zapper I have one of these items myself, and I guarantee you'll find it as much a source of amusement and exercise during July and August evenings as I have. I suppose tennis players could even actually improve their arm and swing while atomizing horse flies, June bugs, and other flying pests. For a real thrill, run through your backyard around midnight with your eyes closed, swinging the Zapper back and forth over your head!  The "zap" emitted upon the Zapper's collision with a good-sized moth is quite impressive, but, to be honest, not as much so as with a large stationary model. Batteries are not included, of course. Treat yourself and live a little for only

$100.00 

Boomschmidt pennant Here's a swell Boomschmidt's felt pennant I'm offering for a most attractive price. Back in the '40s and '50s, Boomschmidt's hawkers would walk up and down Main Street during the big circus parade selling all kinds of keen souvenirs. I ran across this one while clearing out a corner of the attic just the other week, and I believe it's the best circus item I've put up for sale--much better than the water-damaged poster that went for $800 in the Spring 2000 Internet Yard Sale. I used a soft-bristled brush, warm water, and Ivory Flakes, and the "Boomschmidt's Circus" lettering cleaned up quite well. I'm sure you'll be able to take it from there. Because of the lovely condition of this beautiful and scarce item, I must insist upon a price of

$1000.00
(Sorry. Sold.)

Weird teapot

another view

FYI, it's a teapot, not a cookie jar, and I do not know why I purchased it, although I felt strongly compelled to at the time. I think it may have had something to do with the eyes. And now...I cannot bear to look at it. Frankly, the darn thing gives me the creeps, and I will be glad to part with it. I brewed just one serving of tea in this thing and experienced mild vertigo, profuse sweating, and excessive salivating after a couple of sips. I don't know whether it was the tea or the materials used in the production of the teapot that produced these symptoms, but my recommendation is that you consider this a display item only. Having added considerably to the value of the thing by autographing it across the backside with "BFN, Your Friend Mr. Eha" in blue permanent magic marker, I am positive that unless you contact me now, you will miss out on this unusual piece at the very low price of

$157.99  

Martian fossil Now you can be the proud owner of your very own completely unique ancient Martian fossil! I am so excited about being able to offer this fossil that I even qualified the word "unique"! This item surely must be the partial remains of one of the ancient creatures which originated on Earth and then somehow migrated or were transported to Mars to evolve into the Martians of today. Compare this with a complete fossil Martian ancestor and you'll see what I mean. I am not at liberty to say where in New York State this fossil was found in 1947 and in whose possession it has remained until now. I am selling it on consignment and have not set the price myself. Consider yourself fortunate indeed, though, if you're the first to recognize the true scientific and conversational value of this remarkable fossil and move fast enough to acquire it for a mere

$17,500.00
(Sorry...Sold!)

CHS awardAnother view Here's a special something for some lucky collector of Centerboro-related items. It is a genuine 10K Honor Society pin from Centerboro High School dating back to 1928, long before education tanked in most of the United States of America, and when being a member of an academic honor society actually signified that one knew something worth knowing and could do things worth doing. I found this pin in a box of otherwise worthless trinkets at a Kiwanis rummage sale. The pin is about halfway between a dime and a nickel in size, and its gold content isn't worth very much, but for Freddy fans (and any fans or descendants of Mable Dietz), this item is priceless. However, since I do have to place some kind of monetary value on it, let's say it's yours for

$125.00
(Sorry...Sold!) 

Freddy and Mr. Eha book The whole story of this book is told in FAQ #20, so I won't occupy you with the details here, except to say that this is one of my three mint, unopened and therefore unread copies of a Freddy title that was briefly for sale before my cousin Dougal the lawyer and I forced it off the shelves and into oblivion. I am offering all three copies for sale because I need the capital for a major project of interplanetary dimensions. The price is more than what I usually ask for Freddy titles (i.e., $1.00), but this isn't really a Freddy title, is it? Besides, this project I'm involved in is extremely important. I have a fourth copy which is in ragged, frequently-read condition and which would be of no interest to anyone but me. The discriminating collector of Freddy books is, of course, thoroughly familiar with this title's later incarnation Freddy Goes Camping, and he or she will waste no time in plunking down the asking price for this rarity which will prove to be both a wise financial investment as well as a valuable source for research into the Freddy canon. If you are an authentic Freddyite, even the likelihood of having to take out a home equity loan to cover the cost of this unique opportunity will not deter you! You owe it to yourself to grab one, two, or all three copies for only

$7,500 each
(Sorry...all the copies have been sold!)
 

Framed picture of the Bean farmhouse Isn't this spectacular? Yes, it is! This nicely-framed black and white photograph of the Beans' farmhouse will certainly cause wallets and purses to spring wide open instantly. It dates to just a couple of months before the house burned down owing to William's pipe, which ironically survived the blaze in pretty good shape. You can make out the elderly Martha and William on the porch, and yes, that's the rain barrel on the side of the house all right. If you would prefer to frame this item yourself, that's fine by me, but the cost with or without the frame is the same, so don't e-mail me to ask if I'll shave a couple of bucks off if you don't want the frame. You'd better get to the bank quickly, because this one is going to go fast!

$892.00

A chicken hanger And finally, this old item used to hang from a tree limb by the chicken shed on the Bean farm. Although it is a bit rusty, I'm sure a little elbow grease and a wire brush will restore this chicken hanger quite nicely. William would suspend a number of chickens on the hooks (some still pretty wickedly sharp) of this vintage device before final preparations for market or for his own table. Having seen the hanger employed any number of times by William when I visited the farm as a youngster, I recognized it immediately when I saw it in an antique shop in South Pharisee about ten or twelve years ago. I have been using it as a general purpose hanger in my toolshed, but after having been gashed rather badly in the temple by it the other day and having had to receive a couple of stitches and a tetanus shot as a result, I've decided to put it up for sale for what any serious collector of Bean Farmiana would regard as a truly fair price. This pointed reminder of the difference between the real Bean Farm and its fictional image can be yours for only

$699.99 

 

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