Holy Moley! It's a Spring 2010
Special
Crate Sale!
We satisfy particular people
.
Were you disappointed upon arriving at my last sale to find all the items already sold? I'll bet you were! Well, this time hop to it! Hurry up, plunk your cash down, and walk away with an item you and your heirs will treasure forever. As usual, all prices are firmly nonnegotiable, your satisfaction is not guaranteed, there are absolutely no refunds or returns, and items must be paid for in full by cash, bank check, or postal money order before shipment. For the record, I do not accept foreign currency, PayPal, credit or debit cards, trades, stamps, store coupons, IOUs, or "I'll mow your lawn and shovel your driveway for a year" type offers. Extra shipping and handling charges apply. Shipments are made to verifiable street address in the United States and Canada only.
Pride of the Farm

Here's a nearly mint can of William Bean's favorite pipe tobacco. I don't believe this brand been on the market for many years, and that, of course, makes this vintage, unopened tin that much more valuable. Now, I'll be just as honest with you as I always have been: this tin did not belong to William. I picked it up last summer at the Tushville Flea Market which runs on Saturdays, April 1 - November 1. (It's near the main entrance on the north side of the Oteseraga County fairgrounds in case you'd like to browse the stalls someday.) Though it lacks the unmediated provenance of the next item, it still possesses a fairly strong connection to the Freddy series, having been mentioned by name in at least one of the books. Had it been in William's hands for even a brief moment, I'd have no problem charging double the price below. Of course, once you buy it, you can tell whatever story you like about it.

Only $100.00
Too Late! Sold!

Handpainted Necktie

I can't pinpoint the month and year that his sister-in-law presented William with this spiffy handpainted tie, but it must have been before May 1937 when she, Ella, and Everett popped off in the Hindenberg disaster. More here on that event. William was a rustic to be sure, but when Martha demanded it, he could dress himself up to a certain degree though it was not something he enjoyed doing, especially for church. Attending church services back in those days required a man to at least make an attempt to look and act like a gentleman. Jackets and ties were de rigueur, spitting and smoking were strictly forbidden, and until one vacated the premises, one's conversation was expected to be subdued and polite. Though William dressed and deported himself adequately enough on Sundays, he was famous for dozing off during services, and Martha was equally celebrated for bringing him back to consciousness with a sharp elbow jab. I think WRB makes mention of William's church-specific hypersomnia in at least one of the Freddy books. But once again I digress. As far as I know, this was one of a handful of ties owned by William. Being a fan of pheasants, I purchased it at the estate sale following the big fire and wore it myself for several years. It is still in near-fine condition and can be yours for only

$225.00!
Doggone it! Sold!

Why, it's a derby!

 

I think we should have a little fun with this next item, a well-used felt derby. If you're the first to identify its original owner and cough up the cash, it's all yours, and before I give the answer away, I'm going to be quiet and not give any information regarding the circumstances under which it came into my possession. I assure you that the derby was worn by a person portrayed in the Freddy series, and I will supply you with original documentary evidence to confirm that fact. So, who was it?

(a) Benjamin Bean
(b) C. Jimson Camphor
(c) Hercules Boomschmidt
(d) Lucius Snedeker

For you, $391.50
Triple darn, darn, DARN! Sold!

Since the hat has been sold, I guess it does no harm to tell you that the answer is (b). I picked it up at the same sheriff's auction at which I bought Camphor's unclaimed spats. For more on that, go here. In addition to the derby, its lucky purchaser also received the receipt (signed by Sheriff Higgins) I obtained when I bought it.

Grandfather-in-law Underdunk

Next, another item that possesses a wonderful Centerboro association. It is the marble portrait bust of Mrs. U's Grandfather-in-law Ambrose Underdunk, the bust that was badly damaged during a big katzenjammer at the Underdunk mansion during a WW II homefront blackout. For years it stood serenely on its pedestal, gazing blankly upon visitors to the drawing room until that night in 1943 when during a soirée for a Senator somehow related to the Underdunks it went crashing to the floor. You'd think that the partygoers would have been completely used to blackouts and known how to behave under the circumstances. Nevertheless, some silly ass panicked and knocked the pedestal over. Mrs. U. had the bust beautifully restored at considerable expense. Now that she is downsizing and moving to more manageable living quarters, she is selling off a large number of personal items that just won't fit in her new digs. I persuaded her to let me put the bust up for grabs on my site because of its intrinsic interest to Freddyites; however she has set the price.

$500.00
Dad-gummit! Already sold!

 

 

I snapped this photograph of Phobos the last time Two Clicks and I whizzed by on our way to visit our real estate partnership holdings on Mars. For your information, Phobos is about 17 mi. X 14 mi. X 11 mi., so it may seem to be a rather puny moon; however, a little simple math shows that it encompasses a volume of about 2600 cubic miles. It has many natural tunnels and sizable caverns throughout its interior which the Martian public governing body that manages it has developed into tourist attractions. In fact, Phobos has been transformed into a kind of zero-gravity cruise ship, if you will, for vacationing Martians. I thought that Two Clicks and I might work a deal with the managers so that humans could enjoy a holiday on Phobos, but they scoffed at the idea and turned us down flat. Seems that berths are limited to what Two Clicks translated as "the better classes of rational beings." When I protested that surely human beings are capable of reason, Two Clicks rolled all three eyes and said (rather scathingly, too, for such a usually mild-mannered Martian) that since, just for example, we continue to suffer the existence of politicians, royalty, and the fashion industry, we surely are not. Well, I couldn't muster an argument against that, but in case you're wondering, I did mention on your behalf that we'd settle for coach class. All I got was the Martian version of the look. It's hard cheese indeed that you'll never get to see breathtaking views of Mars through a porthole on Phobos, but you can have a signed and dated closeup of this yam-shaped satellite, ten prints of which I'm making available this one time only and one per customer for

$25.00
Grrrrr! All ten have been sold!

 

Coubos Crate

The Crate

 

As is my sometimes practice, I now present what I believe to be the best items of the lot, a Coubos Dairy crate that sat in the Beans' barn for years and years and what I like to call "The Crate."

The "5-62" on the Coubos Dairy crate obviously cannot refer to its date of manufacture. Coubos Dairy was the name of the business run by the sisters Millicent Wiggins, Matilda Wogus, and Mavis Wurzburger. (For more information on the three widows and their dairy, go here or here.) How it wound up in William's barn I don't know, but on the day of the big fire, I used it to cart smaller items to safety. It became just another one of the things I neglected to return to the Beans, but they probably wouldn't have wanted it back anyway. Back then it was just a crate.

The second crate stood next to the door on the Beans' back porch and was used for storing kindling. One blistering day the summer just after my sophomore year, I was up at the farm for a dip in the duckpond with Jenny Hall. While getting us some lemonade from Mrs. Bean, I happened to overhear part of a conversation between Walter Brooks and William. As you know, WRB visited the Bean farm any number of times and took away ideas for the Freddy series from what he saw and heard there. I distinctly remember William shaking his head and saying, "I'd like to nail that boy into that crate and ship him to blazes." At first, I thought he meant me, but both he and WRB looked over my shoulder directly at Frederick who was skulking around the chicken house. This happened shortly after Frederick and some of his sidekicks had been caught stealing from the Waterman, Dinkelstein & Co. Department Store. Perhaps if William had been able to see the long stretch of Frederick's criminal career which lay ahead, he might have done more to take his wayward son in hand.

OK, so here's the deal, and it's a good one...

Either Crate for $250.00 or Both for $499.00
Nuts! Both sold!

Visit the Mr. Eha's Place Table of Contents for even more fun!

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