First Annual
Hallowthanxmas™ Last Minute Yard Sale
2008

The Black Friday Stampede, that most sacred day of the other shopping season, has come and gone. As we now near the end of the Hallowthanxmas™ season, and just in time to help pump up the faltering economy (at least mine), I am pleased and honored to present the First Annual Hallowthanxmas™ Last Minute Yard Sale. These specially-priced, nearly-one-of-a-kind items cannot be found in any retail outlet. They are available only here and only once and will go to the quickest and most discriminating bargain hunters. As usual, prices are strictly nonnegotiable, satisfaction is not guaranteed, there are no refunds or returns, and items must be paid for in full and in cash before shipment (Extra shipping and handling charges apply.)

Scorchin' Santa prototype

Let's begin with this genuine Hallowthanxmas™ item, a splendid prototype decoration from Eha Industries. This is the original Scorchin' Santa which, owing to its registering a tad too high on our dosimeters, we were not able to take to market. I urge you to read "Important Information About Hallowthanxmas™ Products" on the Eha Industries 2008 Happy Hallowthanxmas™ Page before purchasing the Scorchin' Santa prototype. In addition to heeding the warnings and following the recommendations there, you must always leave this ornament in its deluxe lead-lined containment unit. For safe viewing of Scorchin' Santa, use welders' goggles (not included) with a rating of 14 or higher. Aluminized polyester or black polymer filters (not included) with an optical density of 5.0 or more are also effective. After your successful purchase, we will immediately mail or fax you our standard hold harmless form. Your Scorchin' Santa will be shipped to you after you return the signed and notarized form with your cash payment.

25 Available @ $149.99
(Item cannot be shipped outside the continental United States.)

Pooh! Completely Sold Out!

Free Consolation Offer
Special Perpetual Hallowthanxmas™ Greeting from Mr. Eha

A wonderful premium

While looking though an old cigar box full of objects that most certainly have become coveted collectibles over the years, I came across what is possibly the most avant-garde product premium ever conceived, manufactured, and distributed. Can you not just imagine the comment and conversation you'll stir up when you sport this nonadjustable, all-plastic Mister Softee ring at your next soiree? Stylish, colorful, and near-mint, this fashion novelty will make an unmistakable statement about your style! You'd better hurry, though, for this virtually irresistible tchotchke of art plastique from my personal collection will go quickly at

$100.00

Phooey! Already Sold!

Bean farm plow wrench

What? A mere rusted, pitted old wrench? Have I lost my last few aggies? No, I have not! This tool is a sturdy plow wrench from the Bean farm. I snapped it up at the estate auction just before they moved to Florida after the big fire, and believe me, I've put it to good use around the house and under the hood over the years. I've also discovered that it is much more wieldy than a frying pan when used as a formidable self-defense weapon, and I can attest that it is capable of leaving large, painful bruises upon anyone stupid enough to ignore your clearly posted warning signs and venture into your house uninvited. Well, then, as a Bean farm collectible and a hefty, well-balanced vintage tool/weapon, it's worth every bit of

$100.00

Oh, fiddlesticks! You're too late! Sold!

Coubos Dairy baby bottle

From the back corner of the top shelf of my kitchen cupboard comes this incredible find! I had no idea it was there! It is a vintage Coubos Dairy baby bottle, the very one from which I was nourished as an infant. It features some very nice graphics, though Old King Cole is a bit worn. (For more information on the Coubos Dairy, go here and scroll down to the entry for Mrs. Millicent ("Millie") Wiggins.) I've taken great care to remove from this marvelous item all traces of my DNA and the dead ant that somehow found its way inside, so if you decide to employ it for the reason it was made, rest assured it has been thoroughly sterilized. I suspect, though, that the Centerboro historians among you will scamper to acquire it for display purposes. Though I do feel some faint stirrings of sentimentality over this object, I am in the end a tough-minded, practical fellow, and I'm willing to let this spiffy keepsake of old Centerboro and my childhood go for

$783.00

Blast it! It's been sold!

 

1876 Centerboro map

 Aerial view from Martian saucer

For historians of Oteseraga County, I offer these two sensational views of Centerboro. The top item is an original map of Centerboro from 1876, and the bottom is an aerial view which I snapped myself from the Martian flying saucer in May 1955. One can easily see the growth of neighborhoods and the business district over the long stretch of time that separates the views. Many readers of Mr. Eha's Place and Mr. Brooks's Freddy books have expressed keen interest in learning the exact location of Centerboro and details about the town and surrounding countryside. Well, if you're one of those readers, here's your chance to obtain the goods that will answer many of your questions. If you are not the lucky buyer, then you might venture to the Where Is It? FAQ on this site to satisfy some of your curiosity.

The map has a pronounced fold, but there are no rips, tears, or repairs. I would have to say that having it professionally mounted would be a good idea. The photograph is in excellent shape and will display well in a nice frame. It has been stored flat and never folded or rolled. Neither item shows pin pricks or tape marks. I am selling them together for the very fair price of

$500.00

Doggone it! Sold!

LGB Mr. Ed

For those collectors of Brooksiana, this item speaks for itself, if you'll pardon a bitty joke. Mister Ed is, of course, the talking horse best known owing to the wretched television program Mister Ed based on Mr. Brooks's short story "Ed Takes the Pledge." I personally couldn't stand the program any more than I could the asinine Francis the talking mule movies or appalling TV inanities like My Mother the Car, Petticoat Junction...ah, well, ever thus has it been, panem et circenses, and I certainly digress. I offer this thin vintage volume to the collector of Little Golden Books and/or fictions featuring talking animals for its original price (plus shipping and handling).

29¢

Oh, noooo! Sold!

Splendid Weedly

What a find! Rarely is one lucky enough to come across a treasure like this. Now, you've all heard me tout the superiority of the ex-lib Freddies time and again, and some of you have been fortunate enough to purchase fine examples of the same at one of my Internet yard sales. Though this early edition of Weedly is not a library discard, I nonetheless find myself compelled to offer it for sale as one of the most desirable Freddies I have ever come across. Were I able to survive without my prescriptions, I absolutely would not part with this first edition, but necessity (i.e., my occasionally precarious health and the consequent high-priced visits to the doctor and drugstore) dictates that I dispose of it forthwith. The book has what most collectors would consider obvious defects: water damage, mold, mildew, and rubbing. The hinges are loose, too, and it smells just like a dank basement. However, none of these so-called (and completely minor) imperfections detracts a bit from its value! Why? Consider this: Some time ago while walking home after visiting Mrs. U, I fished it out of a pile of rubbish in front of Judge Nathan Willey's house. There had just been an estate sale there following his bizarrre death by bubble gum, and evidently no one had recognized the great worth of the book. Imagine my surprise when I opened it up and found that the judge had scribbled his name on the inside cover! This feature of the book alone, to say nothing of those already mentioned above, qualifies it as highly collectible and well worth the price.

$250.00

Argggh! Sold!

Unique decoration

Unique! There is simply no other word to describe this truly one-of-a-kind vintage decoration. Except for the hand-painted wooden head of the figurine, it is fashioned entirely from local fungi. It was the hobby of Eleanor McMinnickle, a neighbor of the Beans, to roam the woods and fields north of Centerboro in search of nonpoisonous fungi to incorporate in her handmade novelties like the one pictured here. Not only would this singular creation fit nicely in any crèche display or under any tree (including the Thanx-a-Baum™), but it would work well year 'round as part of a diningroom table arrangement, curio cabinet attraction, or all-purpose accent piece.

Not many of these Centerboro-related decorations survive today, and I'm sure you'll agree that this hard-to-come-by item is a real bargain at

$50.00

Rrrrrrats! Sold!

Mrs. U's deer

As is my custom sometimes, I've saved the most spectacular item for last, and it is with great delight that I present for your consideration an artifact known to all readers of the Freddy series. There is an obvious flaw, owing to the destructiveness of you-know-who, but if you pose this life-sized deer just so, the missing hind leg is almost inconspicuous. Yes, this is none other than the deer featured in Freddy and the Bean Home News. You may have concluded that this impressive lawn ornament had been spirited away by Freddy's gang to be turned into scrap and ready cash, but you'd be wrong. My ex-friend Herb Garble and Mrs. U's chauffeur rescued the deer before it suffered any more damage. Mrs. U never did get around to having it repaired, and it has languished these many years in a corner of her conservatory. I have finally convinced her to part with it and the bad memories it engenders for a remarkable

$5000.00
(No delivery. Pick up by arrangement only.)

Sold!

 

 

 

 

 

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