Items listed in this Internet Yard Sale which do not sell by Labor Day 2005 will be disposed of at my Back-to-School Inventory Reduction Sale, Saturday, Sept. 10, 2005, 45 Clinton St., Centerboro, NY., 9 AM - 5 PM only. No bathroom facilities will be available! Make sure you "go" before you show up! I do not want a repeat of last year's "incident."

MIDSUMMER MADNESS
Internet Yard Sale 2005

Prices listed here are not negotiable!

Customer satisfaction is not guaranteed!

No refunds! No returns!

Cash or USPS money orders only!

Absolutely no trades!

All shipping and insurance charges
are your responsibility!

 

You will not believe this! Here is a beautifully hand-drawn, incredibly rare 2' X 3' map dating back to the Centerboro of 1895. The paper is of a special type--very thin and quite fragile. It is entitled "Skeleton Map Showing General Plan of Proposed System of Separate Sewers for the Town of Centerboro, NY." Its scale is 400' per inch, and all that little bitty print in the lower right-hand corner is technical, engineery stuff about elevations, flush tanks, manholes, etc. Not only are the proposed sewers shown, but all the streets are named, and the names of a number of railroad tracks are also present. This nifty map will appeal to sewer historians, railroad memorabilia collectors, and the gotta-have-it-all Freddyite fanatic, so hurry before one of them flushes his or her bank account to snatch it up!

$1,500.00
Blast it! It's been sold.

I'm going to be completely honest with you right from the git-go! This item is going to cost you quite a bit, but not as much as a couple of the items following it. Its actual size is 1-3/4 of an inch in diameter, but I am displaying it "larger than life" so you can fully appreciate its great keenness. This puzzle game belonged to James ("Jinx") Bean. I saw him playing with it any number of times when we were kids, and it wound up in a shoebox full of little odds and ends at the estate sale the Beans had just before they moved to Florida.

Adding substantially to its value (at least to a Freddyite) is that fact that Walter R. Brooks himself once held it during one of his visits to the Bean farm. I remember seeing him one summer afternoon sitting in a rocker on the front porch shooting the breeze with William over a glass of Mrs. Bean's special sumac berry tea while Jinx and I were playing with this puzzle on the steps. Mr. Brooks glanced over and asked to see it. He fiddled with it unsuccessfully for about one minute, said "This isn't easy," and tossed it back to Jinx.

The object of the puzzle is to get the little mouse into the mousetrap. As Mr. Brooks found out, it's not as simple as it looks. The real appeal of this item to Freddyites, besides its having been handled by Mr. Brooks, will be the most interesting background picture of piggies in various stages of being rendered into useful products in a butcher's shop.

The images in this puzzle are a compelling reminder that the series greatly sentimentalizes the Bean farm and its animal inhabitants, which in reality were far from being on anything remotely resembling a friendly or equal footing with humans. Mr. Bean was not in the business of running a petting zoo after all. He ran a farm, and the dumb brutes who were not good breeders like his pig Otto or useful to him as live producers of products like eggs and milk--well, they either wound up on the end of William's fork or served up at the Centerboro Hotel or Dixon's Diner following a trip to Hinkelbaugh & Son.

$4,500.00
Sold!

Speaking of whom, here's a photo of the back room in Hinkelbaugh & Son Butcher Shop dating back to the 1920s in Centerboro. Victor Hinkelbaugh (the fellow on the left) died of septicemia way back in the '40s, and after that his older brother Thomas (on the right) took over the business which thrived until the arrival of the supermarket in Centerboro--the first of which was an A&P. As a butcher, Victor had nicked himself many times while preparing meat for sale. His last injury was not a particularly nasty one, to hear Thomas tell it, and Victor thought that he just had a little cold and rash a few days later. Well, he ignored what developed into much more unsightly and seriously alarming symptoms and entered a realm quite beyond the interventions of what was then modern medicine.

Thomas Hinkelbaugh is mentioned in the series on page 231 of Space Ship in case you're interested. For this photo with a marginal connection to the series, I ask a paltry

$50.00
Nuts! Already sold.

Here you have a little item I forgot to include in the All-Martian court-ordered yard sale I ran three years ago. It's a 7" 45 r.p.m. Little Golden Record featuring Ray Walson singing "The Martian Song" and "When I Was a Boy on Mars." The record itself is in decent shape with only a little bit of hissing and popping for a total of about 10 seconds. The jacket has some minor problems--a little tear here, a crease there--but I don't think they detract much from the overall desirability of this rather rare record.

$50.00
Oh, shoot...sold!

This splendid Steri-lite Space Patrol Drink Mixer is made of durable hard plastic and comes complete with a straw and a mint-condition box with spiffy 1950s' graphics. There are no cracks in the mixer and and no age wear to the box. Now, I cannot claim the mixer is unused, for I have mixed an occasional highball or vitamin drink with it, though I'm sure that its creators did not have that in mind when they marketed it. The shaker is clean and, as far as I can tell, germ-free. I would nevertheless recommend that it be purchased for display purposes only, for as I recall, the last time I used it was to mix some insect spray during a wasp infestation in my toolshed.

$125.00
Sold!


Reading and Literature B
Composition D
Grammar C
Spelling C
Oral Expression A
Penmanship F
Arithmetic F
History F
Geography D
Civics F
Music C
Physical Training D
Drawing F

I suppose that the average student of Mr. Eha's Place, knowing the facts about him which I have faithfully recorded here, will not be much surprised at Freddy's less than stellar record. Mr. Brooks characterized the fictionalized version of Freddy as "brilliant, but erratic" somewhere or other in the early books of the series, but I wouldn't say Freddy Bean was exactly brilliant. He was glib, to be sure, and he was usually clean and well-dressed owing to his mother's supervision and care, but other than that he was pretty undistinguished and as a pupil did creditable work only in the subjects in which he was interested, that he found useful, or in which he could get by with scant effort.

Way back, we had to carry our report cards home to be signed by our parents and then returned. So, not only is this report card valuable for its association with the Freddy series and for the interest of its contents, but Martha Bean has signed it eight times and William Bean once. For this much-autographed, fascinating piece of Beaniana, I must ask no less than

$5,000.00


I am tempted to call this item priceless and to turn it over to the Smithsonian, but for the sake of a sale I won't. While scouring my inventory for this summer's Internet yard sale, I found this document tucked away in a Bean family album and immediately knew that I would be able to afford all my prescriptions for at least six months! This is none other than Frederick Bean's sixth grade report card! I am nearing the limit of my allotted space at Tripod.com, so rather than use up any more of my precious remaining megabytes on this item and showing you its inside pages, I will simply present Freddy's final averages as detailed upon them.

 

Effort Self Control Personal
Habits
Hygiene Tardy Absent
D D D A 47 23

 

Oooops. I forgot to include this nice 1-1/4 inch pinback in the group of political items I sold on Picture Page 32. I believe this is the perfect statement for those who have become completely ambivalent about politics because of the poor deportment of your typical politician.

All righty, about the condition of this pin: there's a little bit of rust on the back, but the fastening pin is sturdy, and the colors are vivid. I don't know anything about the vintage, but I don't think that should be a consideration at all. The sentiment suggested by this pin surely is worth all of...

$1.00
Sold!

I bought this copy of Freddy Goes Camping at a neighbor's garage sale earlier this year for a quarter, knowing full well that I'd be able to make a hefty profit. I hope you will not think poorly of me for that. In keeping with my long-standing policy, I am disposing of this volume for what most folks will consider a very fair price. I cannot bring myself to believe that any title in this piddling series in any edition no matter how rare could possibly be worth more than a dollar. Were it not autographed by the author, I would sell it for a buck, but I must double my asking price for what I consider the best title in the series...and, as you can see, the dated signature is quite nice. It comes from a smoke-free home, so you will not gag or gasp upon opening it up.

As far as condition goes, all pages are intact, the spine is straight as can be, and the overall condition is very good to excellent. This first edition is not an ex-library copy which is sure to please most collectors of the series, but there is no dust jacket. At this realistic and honest price, it will go quickly, and I am throwing in a Freddy comic from 1960, purchased at the same garage sale for ten cents, and a slightly damaged and moldy copy of North Pole as a free bonus!

Two Bucks
Grrrr! It's sold!

This completely splendid 1954 convertible is currently owned by Marshall Groper, Ollie Groper's brother Mervyn's son, who purchased it at the Margarine estate auction many years ago. Since Marshall bought it, this automobile has been driven in perhaps a dozen parades in Centerboro and has been taken out for the occasional spin about the countryside, but that's about it. The actual mileage on this creampuff is unknown, but Marshall believes that it cannot be more than 10,000 miles.

Details? Well, the car was a present given to Francine Margarine by her banker father Elihu. (If you remember, they lived up on the Centerboro Road near the Beans.) It was the very car in which she rode in the Coronation Parade following her winning the Miss Flying Saucer Contest in 1955. (Mention of the car is made in my interview with Priscilla Belette, the contest runner-up.) It is a Chrysler New Yorker with many nice features including power steering, windows, and brakes; a radio that works fine (AM only, of course); a more than adequate heater; and completely original chrome wire wheels. The engine is a 300 cubic inch V8--it'll get you there while running quietly! Colors--it has been repainted black, the interior is leather two-tone blue, and the top is white. There are no rips or tears anywhere to be seen. The integrity of the body is simply unparalleled. There is not one speck of rust on this wonderfully maintained automobile, of which fewer than 800 were produced. Finally, it is an automatic, so you won't have to learn to drive a stick shift to enjoy the experience of cruising about town on those great big, fat whitewalls!

Can you test drive it! You bet you can! Drop by Marshall's Marine Supply and Bait Shop up in Lakeville (just a few miles north of Centerboro on Route 46--see map) and tell them I sent you. I am handling this sale for my old friend Marshall, who is ailing and in desperate need of a series of expensive treatments. I have assured him that Freddyites will rally to his support. (An interesting fact about Marshall: following the demise of his Uncle Ollie, he became a comfirmed vegetarian, and he's the only person I personally know who actually enjoys Tofurkey.)

Though I encouraged him to ask for more, Marshall insists upon the incredible price of only

$16,000.00
Oh, blast it! Sold!

Once again, I have saved the best item for last! I have kept this game ball under wraps since May 28, 1955, the day of the interplanetary baseball game between the Mars-Centerboro team and Tushville right here in the Centerboro ballpark. This was the only such game ever recorded, and this baseball was actually used in the game. It was signed in ball-point pen by none other than the Martian known here as "Two Clicks" following the home team's 12 to 11 victory. Though a little faded, the signature is still strong. Of course, there is no possible way to authenticate the signature, its being the only known example. However, I will give you my word that this is the real thing, and I will also furnish you with a COA from EHA Industries. For an additional fee of 5% of the selling cost, I will also provide you with a slightly blurry, but distinct enough photograph of Two Clicks handing me back my pen and this ball.

Another important artifact from this event, what I am quite certain is a commemorative plaque which I purchased at the auction of the contents of Doc Winterpool's Museum of Natural, Historical, and Medical Curiosities quite some time ago, is not for sale at this time. Many of you have sent me quite insulting offers for it after learning of its existence in FAQ #29, but I am saving it for a rainy day, and I remain firm about that. Please note that I am not foolish enough to keep it or the baseball at home. Get my drift?

Don't miss the opportunity of a lifetime to acquire a unique and completely incredible historical item with tremendous investment potential. It's yours for

$1,000,000.00

 

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