Yard Sale Graphic 1
Almost Summer 2004
Internet Yard Sale
Yard Sale Graphic 2
 

Dear Prospective Buyers,

By now you surely are familiar with the terms and conditions of buying items from one of my Internet yard sales. Therefore, rather than take up valuable bandwidth rehashing all that fine print, let us proceed directly to the sale. However, should you need a refresher course, please go here and read the information relating to payment, shipping, and returns.

This baker's dozen of high-quality items, many from area estate and yard sales, will appeal to collectors of Oteseraga County artifacts and ephemera. If you're interested in an item, may I suggest you contact me quickly, because not a single one will be available for long once this sale commences.

     
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You've probably noticed that Mr. Brooks has a soft spot for wasps in his Freddy books. He often employs them as a deus ex machina to bail Freddy and his cohorts out of a jam when more thoughtful plotting escaped him. But in reality, Mr. Bean harbored no such sentimentality about stinging insects, and this little beauty was a fixture of the Bean farm used frequently and liberally during wasp season to clean the buggers out. I acquired it at the Beans' estate sale before they moved to Florida and have used it over the years to blast wasp nests in my toolshed. It's simple and reliable and might even make an effective self-defense weapon of sorts if you're too tenderhearted to consider a shotgun or meat cleaver. By the way, this bug sprayer was manufactured by the Chapin Company in Batavia, NY, an obscure upstate town mentioned in the Freddy books.You can have it for

$319.99
(Sold)

This absolutely fabulous item belonged to that degenerate miscreant Freddy. As a CHS letterman, the miserable reprobate was entitled to wear this tie ornament. Of course, you already know the story of why he was booted off the team and how he lost his standing as a legitimate CHS letterman. (If you are not familiar with the story, see the Ultimate Picture Page and Post-Ultimate Picture Page for more details.) But did his ignominious purging from the team keep him from wearing this? It did not. In fact he wore it defiantly long after dropping out of high school. This neat-o artifact also came from the Beans' estate sale, left behind by Freddy when he skipped town to move to Montana and from there to parts unknown to this day...although I hear that he is languishing in a nursing home somewhere out West. This football charm tie bar with impeccable provenance may be yours for

$899.95
(Sold)

Wouldn't this book make a splendid graduation present at this time of year? Yes, it would! I picked this old text up the other day at a garage sale. I usually do not attend such affairs, having enough junk of my own cluttering my garage, toolshed, basement, and attic, but the book table caught my eye, and I could not pass this volume up. Of course, I do not need New Practical Grammar and Correspondence for myself, having graduated from high school back in 1939 when a high school diploma meant that the recipient was actually able to read and write proficiently and be useful to society after graduation--at least at the level if not higher, I would estimate, of today's typical four-year college graduate. (I know that some of you are thinking that that's not saying much.) If you know someone who needs to improve his or her grammar before going to that job interview or opening his or her mouth in public again, then may I suggest you act quickly to buy New Practical Grammar and Correspondence at a most reasonable

$2.00
(Sorry...Sold)

Not quite as valuable as, say, a similar article from the Titanic, this Dixon's Diner Soda and Luncheon menu will nonetheless intrigue even the most lethargic Freddyite. What was on the bill of fare at Dixon's? Lots of "good eats," that's what! Here, for example, are my favorites for breakfast, lunch and dinner. My usual breakfast consisted of a couple of large eggs served up with ham, slab bacon, and pork sausage. For lunch, it was a toss-up between the BLT on rye, the hot hamburger (with onions, a large dollop of gravy, and a side order of the famous "Puffy Fries"), or the cold meatloaf sandwich on white bread. For dinner, I'd usually order the smoked hamsteak or the baked meatloaf with mashed potatoes. Dixon's best dessert was the chocolate creme, hands-down!

  • If you want to check out the chocolate creme and other splendid Dixon's Diner recipes, go here: Dixon's Diner Recipes.
  • For a picture of the interior of Dixon's Diner: Picture Page 8

Because I believe this menu to be the only one left in existence, I must offer it at quite the premium price:

$1,295.00
(Sold)

 

Here is another very nice paper item for your consideration. This Farmers Record and Account Book belonged to William Bean. A study of its contents reveals what a meticulous accounting he kept of all the goings-on of the Bean farm for a period of a year. Some might consider this record rather dry if not boring reading. However, a careful analysis of William's accounts reveals a great deal about the man. I will not go into my conclusions here except to say that it's quite clear that William was not overly sentimental about animals, except, perhaps, for his tame squirrel Taffy and tame bear Peter--up until, that is, Peter removed William's thumb and hightailed it back up North. The interest of the contents far outweighs the yellowing of the pages in my determination of the value of this Bean farm record book, and I offer it to you at a fair

$600.00
(Sold)

This photograph is from one of the Bean family albums which I possess. On the back there is a notation that this is "Unc. Ezra w tall cornstak." This is to say the least. I have not been able to establish exactly how Uncle Ezra fits in the Bean family. Nor can I account for the immense cornstalk. I think--and this is pure speculation--that it must be the result of late 19th or early 20th century Martian science experiments here on Earth, but I have no solid evidence to back my theory. I have shown this picture about, and no one can recollect ever having seen the likes of such a cornstalk. Have you? I doubt it. It is most difficult to establish a fair selling price for photographs relating to William and Martha's relatives, but I know that rabid Freddyites will not hesitate to fling great fistfuls of money at me for the chance to own such items. I'm therefore establishing a set price for each Bean album photograph so that even minimum-wage earning Freddyites will be able to own a piece of Centerboro history.

$89.95
(Sold)

BOOM--be quick! Buy a ticket at the wicket.
BOOM--get your pink lemonade; get your gum.
BOOM--get your peanuts, popcorn, lollipops.
BOOM--Mr. Boom--Mr. Boomschmidt's come!

Yes, it's the chorus of the marching song of Boomschmidt's Colossal and Unparalleled Circus which morphed into Boomschmidt's Stupendous and Unexcelled Circus in the late 1940s and early 1950s. The circus usually wandered up into New York State in August, and here is a photograph of the troupe as it moved along Main Street, Centerboro, in 1929, a couple of months before the great stock market crash. I ran across this photograph just the other day while enjoying the particular and pleasurable melancholy of looking through one's own very old family albums. I remember this particular day in great detail all these years later because of something my father said to me as the elephants passed by. He pointed to the fellow who walked behind the great beasts, shoveling up their dung and heaving it onto a pushcart, and said, "That's you, Eddie, you don't get crackin' in school." Well, I was 8 going on 9, and my father's warning did make an impression of sorts upon me. I formed some hazy intention of buckling down when school opened a few weeks later. Whether or not I actually did, I cannot recollect.

So, fans of Boomschmidt's Circus, collectors of circus memorabilia, accumulators of small town mementoes--be quick!

$75.00
(Too Bad! Sold!)

You've read of the Oteseraga tribe several times in the Freddy books, and I've made several mentions of them on this site. This arrowhead was fashioned by the Oteseragas, but its date of origin is unknown. It is from the collections in Doc Winterpool's Museum of Natural, Historical, and Medical Curiosities that he displayed at the old Troopers' barracks after they moved to their new digs north of Centerboro. I bought the arrowhead at the auction which followed Doc's death from a misdiagnosed "rash." I wanted to bid on Mrs. Pratt's gigantic gallstone and the pickled two-headed frog, too, but someone beat me to them when I had to go back home to get my forgotten checkbook and I arrived late to the auction. I'll bet this arrowhead will be among the first of the items to go, so hurry, hurry, hurry!

$1000.00
(First to go! Sorry, but it's sold.)

Here is a series-related item: a pair of C. Jimson Camphor's spats which he discarded along with his dinner jacket, trousers, shirt, hat, and dignity in Sibney Memorial Park after a drunken binge at the Centerboro Hotel following his jilting by Isabel Pomeroy. Poor Jimson spent a night in the pokey before being bailed out by his aunties. The spats were found years later in the evidence room at the Centerboro jail and sold as unclaimed items at a sheriff's auction. I recognized them immediately as C. Jimson's and knowing that he would have spent a pretty penny on them, I snapped them right up. I have worn them myself and must say that they will lend you a certain air of elegance at your next high class social engagement.

$125.00
(Sold)

This is an authentic mail-in ballot from a previous run made by Howdy Doody for the highest office of the land. I have recently acquired several of these ballots that came from a remarkable warehouse find! They cannot be used for voting this coming November except possibly in Florida or Ohio, but attach this to your refrigerator, and the dandy old thing will remind you of your civic duty. I will send one of these ballots to anyone who wants one at no charge until they are all gone. May I also suggest that Howdy would make a splendid candidate for any public office: here's why.

Free!
(Sorry. All Gone!)

How about a nice German language edition of Freddy the Detective to add to your collection? This was sent to me by an admirer from "over there," but I do not speak German. Nor do I care, at my advanced age, to learn this guttural and uncouth tongue merely to read auf Deutsch what I have already perused too many times in English during my research into the canon. Note: I cannot attest to the quality or accuracy of the translation of Freddy the Detective into German and cannot assure you that it preserves whatever charm you may have perceived in the English version.

I did briefly skim through this volume; therefore, it must be considered a used book, and I offer it to you at my standard price for used Freddy books...

$1.00
(Sold)

Another photograph from the Bean albums, this shows Cousin Hermie's brother Augustus with a Bean farm rooster. I cannot imagine what he's doing. Is he trying to get the creature to pose? Is he trying to determine whether the bird is a capon or a fully-loaded rooster? Beats me.. As I have mentioned elsewhere, Augustus and Hermie were probably blood relatives of Mrs. Bean (née Doty) rather than William. For a picture of Cousin Hermie, see Picture Page #22. Something tells me Augustus and Hermie liked chickens. I, myself, could never stand the filthy things. If you've ever seen and smelled the inside of a typical chicken coop, I'm sure you agree. Be that as it may, this novel old photograph is all yours for my now-standard

$89.95
(Sold)

Here's a nice picture of the old Centerboro police station on School Street where I made an appearance accompanied by my father way back in 1931 because I had not resisted the temptation to relieve the toy department at the Busy Bee of a spiffy little cap pistol without paying for it. Well, Officer Oglethorpe (a.k.a. "Straight Arrow") gave me a stern lecture and turned me over to the custody of my father from whom I got a fierce trouncing. You can read more about Officer Oglethorpe in the story "Running Away" on the Tales Out of School page. And for the nearly complete story of my so-called criminal career, click here. You may hold this very image in your hands for only

$19.95
(Too Late!)

 


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