Going...going...gone!
Yard Sale Graphic 2 Yard Sale Graphic 1


Featuring a Respectable Number of Hand-Selected, Really Keen Objects,

Some of Which Will Be of Particular Interest to the Freddyite Community

Dear Seeker of Fine Merchandise in the Relative Peace of the Post-Hallowthanxmas™ Season:

Though I have claimed that my Internet Sales are over and done with, an honest greed (for which I offer no excuse) compels me to once again offer a fine assemblage of items ranging in quality from brand new to quite shabby--items that you will doubtless enjoy immensely before selling them at your own yard sale on the 50-cent table years from now. Because Mrs. U. and I may have left this wretched planet by next spring (I refer not to our demise, but rather to our escape from the impending Martian annihilation of the entire human race), I am not waiting any longer to put this junk rubbish fine collection of extremely desirable collectibles up for sale. I advise you to buy what you want immediately and thereby avoid the heartbreak of missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime to own a piece of Oteseraga County history or Freddy-related memorabilia or what have you! As always, I have no sympathy for someone with buyer's regret. Be completely sure that you really want the item(s) you pay for, because there are

ABSITIVELY AND POSOLUTELY NO REFUNDS & NO RETURNS.

Terms of Payment

Read Carefully! I accept no personal checks or starter checks! This policy is nothing new to you if you've been shopping with me before. I also must decline payment in the form of stamps of any kind, vegetables or fruit, home maintenance services, discounts on stuff you have to sell, coupons, IOUs, unused Disney Dollars or gate passes, or any other items in trade. The only forms of payment I will accept are cash (US funds only and no coins, please) or a U. S. Postal Money order immediately upon receiving notification of your successful purchase. Actual shipping charges will be paid by you, the purchaser, of course, and if you are a resident of the Empire State, New York, there will be an additional 8% sales tax which I promise to turn over to the state treasury. There will be a reasonable shipping charge added to your cost as well, and you and I will discuss that when the time comes.

Shipping Information

I will wrap your item securely and ship it by UPS the cheapest possible way. I ship to addresses in the United States only to avoid the monumental pain-in-the-rear paperwork and other technicalities of shipments to foreign countries. Though I think Canada is a truly splendid country, I'm sorry to say that there will be no shipments to our neighbor to the north.

Items listed here which do not sell by Saturday, January 31, 2004, will be offered for sale at my
~~~Spendiferous Spring Garage Sale~~~


Hundreds of
marvels, wonders, and sensations will be available
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
12:01 A.M. to 11:59 P.M. only!
45 Clinton Street
Centerboro, New York

Early Birds Will Be Verbally Abused to the Fullest Extent of My Years of Experience,
and Prosecuted to the Fullest Extent of the Law!

Do not cross my property line before the official starting time. You have been warned!

 

I am starting off this sale with a stated first edition of Wiggins for President (a.k.a. Freddy the Politician in later editions) which I recently came across at a used book sale at the Centerboro library. But this is not an ex-library copy! No doubt some elderly person passed away and the folks handling the estate sale simply dumped this tome into a shopping bag with all the other dusty books cluttering the shelves and donated the lot to the sale. The cover is water-stained and bumped, the pages show their age (browned somewhat, yet not terribly brittle), but there are no tears or scribbling in the book other than Mr. Brooks's signature on the title page--unless, of course, you count the text itself of Wiggins for President as scribbling. I offer this old timer at double my usual asking price for any Freddy book simply because it is boldly signed by the author.

$2.00

(Sold. Please do not E-mail me or appear on my doorstep to vent your spleen at having missed this item or to ask whether I have any more signed Freddy books that I will be putting up for sale.)

I suppose that this horrid and facile visual pun will appeal to the less intellectually discriminating among my readership, and to them I offer this "fan-tastic" item for a mere

$0.25
(You're Too Late. Sold.)

I consider this to be the keenest item up for grabs at this sale, although young whippersnappers won't have the slightest idea what it is. Well, for the uninitiated and/or culturally ignorant, this is a authentic unbent Sealtest Schmoo Club pin which I think I got way back in 1948 or 1949. The Shmoo was conceived by one of the finest creative minds the wretched human species has yet produced. For more information on the Shmoon and their creator, go here: Schmoon. Then, if you're suitably impressed, you can rush right back here and snap this splendid pin up for

$199.99
(Sold.)

Hear ye! Hear ye! Here's a pretty decent copy of Mr. Brooks's Mr. Ed book. I picked this up at the last Centerboro library book sale, too. It's a paperback in fair shape considering its age. I have read this book and don't find much to recommend it from any perspective or on any level. Nonetheless, I know that rabid Walter R. Brooks fanatics will quickly open their little coin purses to waste their money on this smelly relic which clearly comes from a home inhabited by at least one smoker and several cats. As long as you don't bury your nose in the book, I guess reading it could be a bearable experience. It's yours for only

$100.00
(Sorry. Sold.) 



Another item I bought at the book sale, Animal Stories (© 1968) by William Johnston, is, I am told, a very tough-to-find Whitman Big Story Book. It may be of interest to collectors of Freddyish stuff as it contains a story based on Freddy the Detective, called "The Pig Detective" illustrated by Frank Aloise and June Goldsborough. You may observe a sample of their <ahem> artistry below the image of the book. You can also read such insipid narratives as "Corky the Sea-Going Mouse" and "The Extremely Noisy Goose" among the others collected in this book if you have nothing better to do, in which case I feel pity for you in advance.

$100.00
(Sold.)

This somewhat creased letter dated October 20, 1845, was composed by Benjamin Bean. It is a minor rant about taxes complete with underlinings and marginal mathematics. This is not the Benjamin Bean of the Freddy series, but some antecedent relative of Uncle Ben and William--perhaps William's great uncle. I have not been able to figure out the exact relationship since documents relating to this Benjamin Bean are not on file at the Oteseraga County courthouse, though his name did show up as a one-time part owner of the Bean property when I researched the title records. I came into possession of this unique collectible and the photograph immediately below quite by accident during the big fire at the Bean place. Those of us in attendance were throwing things out the doors and windows in a desperate attempt to save as much as possible from the inferno. This letter and the photograph (which I have decided to sell separately) were stashed in a box full of old papers which I rescued and forgot to return to the Beans. I took the box (and a few other things) to my house for safekeeping until the Beans could find permanent residence. By the time they did (in Florida), I had quite forgotten that I had this stuff stowed away until long after they had both passed away. The letter is in remarkably good shape for its age and I believe the price will be very attractive to a confirmed Freddy scholar or collector.

$2500.00
(Sold.)

Here you have a cabinet photograph of the author of the letter above. I think you will have no difficulty seeing "Bean" in his visage. It appears that Benjamin was a rather stern gentleman with a slightly loony glint in his eyes. The sternness was passed down to William, I think, and the lunacy lodged itself firmly in the convolutions of Uncle Ben's brain.

$500.00
(Sorry. Gone.)

I picked this final Freddy/Brooks item up at the same Centerboro Library book sale as the Wiggins for President and other books above, and this ex-libris 33-1/3 r.p.m. record (Caedmon, 1982) looks to be in somewhat better than fair condition. It lies flat upon my kitchen table, and I can therefore report that it is not warped. There are a few minor scratches, but when I played the record, the noises they produced were much less horrible than those of Pat Carroll who, in my opinion, screeches her way through the script. (The very existence of this abomination should be enough to convince any serious Freddyite that the series should remain a print phenomenon only and no attempts be made to translate any part of it into any other medium.) The jacket is in decent shape. If this were jewelry, it would be a cubic zirconium, but any dedicated Freddyite collector will consider it at least a garnet, so I urge you to hurry before it's gone.

$391.50
(Sold.)

 

 




I made this very crystal-less radio back when I was overseas during WW II. A lot of us GIs did. We'd scrounge the components--paper clips, thumbtacks, blued razor blades, etc., and use our bayonets for the ground connection. The Nazis had radio direction locators that picked up the nearby oscillators of superheterodyne portable receivers, and they used these devices to zero in on our locations to bomb us right out of our foxholes, so when we got plans for making these little radios using blued razor blades instead of crystals, you can bet we did! With this kind of radio we could tune in good old American swing music which the Nazis broadcast from Rome or Berlin as part of their propaganda programs. We really enjoyed listening to Glenn Miller, but had a good laugh over the stupid propaganda the Nazis thought would demoralize us and/or make us homesick.

I call to your attention the fact that this radio works even better than my Little Giant pocket crystal radio (see on the Post-Ultimate Picture Page) in picking up Martian transmissions, and since I am going to sweeten the deal with a replacement pack of genuine vintage Gillette Blue Blades, I think you will find it hard to argue with the asking price of

$342.00
(Sorry. Sold.)

 

I'll bet Freddydom is already buzzing about this item, and it will not be available for long. As Freddy fans know from the books, Martians developed an insatiable appetite for peanuts during their visitations to Earth. Though he seemed unsure about the number of fingers the Martians possess or how fast their saucer went, the Martians' love of peanuts is a detail Mr. Brooks reported accurately. The jar you see here was given to them by Mr. Metacarpus when they visited the Busy Bee one day. I believe it was meant to be an inducement for them to shop at the Busy Bee, but it was wasted on the Martians who had no use whatsoever for most man-made products. Clothing, for instance. They didn't wear clothes at all. Anyway, I witnessed Mr. Metacarpus's ceremonious presentation of this jar and watched as the Martians emptied the jar in less than a minute. They then set the jar on a counter and went off with Mr. Metacarpus on a tour of the store. I thought that the jar might someday be of historical value and therefore bought it from Mr. Metacarpus later that day for $5.00--not an inconsiderable amount back in the 1950s. Of course, its value is considerably more today, even if it were nothing more than just another peanut jar, which it most certainly is not!

There are no dings, scratches, chips, or cracks in this splendid memento of the Martians' visitation to Centerboro, and it comes with an authentic certificate of authenticity signed by the entire board of Eha Industries and notarized by a duly authorized clerk at the Oteseraga County courthouse. You must supply your own display stand.

$783.00.
(On Hold)
(Sold.)

Free!

No, my spiffy Dell Axim X5 Pocket PC isn't free, you nincompoop! This truly magnanimous offer is for a copy of my E-book in .lit format to anyone who wishes to carry around a selection of certain features of Mr. Eha's Place on his or her own Pocket PC. If you wish to obtain this publishing miracle, simply notify me by e-mail from the Table of Contents page.

IMPORTANT:
In your subject heading you absolutely must include "Free .Lit Mr. Eha's Place" or else I will simply delete your message without reading it if it makes it through my mail filters to begin with.

Shortly after I receive your request, I will e-mail you a copy as a (virus-free) attachment. You will need Microsoft Reader on your device to read my little e-book. It probably came installed on your Pocket PC, but in case it didn't or in case you want a newer version, click here for the MS download page and for installation instructions.

It's Completely Free! Wow!

Offer ends 10/31/05

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