Mr. Eha's Annual Spring Internet Yard Sale

Yard Sale Graphic 1Yard Sale Graphic 2
Featuring a Number of Splendid Items
In Which I No Longer Have Any Particular Interest
And For Which I Have No Particular Use

Dear Reader: Once again, expending considerable personal effort, but (I hope) not wasting a considerable amount of time, I have assembled for your delight and purchase a very nice selection of things that will surely enhance your dwelling place and/or improve your disposition if not the quality of your life! This is actually a pre-Spring sale. Since I have several important speaking engagements scheduled for the spring season this year, I've decided to take care of this annual chore beforehand so I can concentrate on composing my speeches. Buy now or be sorry later, for to the swift belongs the race!

Before you rush to the bank, please understand that I accept no personal checks in payment! This has been standard procedure with me for a number of years. As it has been ages since I possessed anything like a naive and trusting nature, please send cash or a postal money order immediately upon receiving notification of your successful purchase. Actual shipping charges will be paid by you, the purchaser, of course, and if you are a resident of New York State, there will be an additional 8% sales tax which I promise to turn over to the state treasury.

As usual, you must be completely certain you really want the item(s) you pay for, because there are ABSOLUTELY AND POSITIVELY NO REFUNDS & NO RETURNS.

Items listed here which do not sell by Friday, May 31, 2002, will be offered for sale at my
~~~Gigantic Late Spring Garage Sale~~~

Dozens and Dozens of Gewgaws, Baubles, and Curios!

Saturday, June 1, 2002
10 A.M. to 5 P.M. only!
45 Clinton Street
Centerboro, New York

Early Birds Will Be Rudely Escorted to the Curb
and Prosecuted to the Fullest Extent of the Law!

Do not cross my property line before 10 A.M. You have been warned!



Centerboro ladies' compact

I am starting off this sale with the best item in it, and I can hear jaws dropping all across the planet! Any visitor to the picture pages here at my website cannot help but gasp in astonishment at this item and race to his or her piggybank. Yes, it is a lady's compact with an absolutely splendid sunset scene of downtown Centerboro, a scene which many of you will instantly recognize. My ex-wife Harriet owned this, and it was one of the few items she left behind when she flew the coop with that %*$$@# Pomeroy &@+^@($. I guess she didn't put much value on the thing, and maybe taking it with her wouldn't have helped her to put her memories of Centerboro behind. But I suspect that those of you who would gladly have called old Centerboro your hometown wouldn't mind parting with a little cash to own a piece of  its good old days. You can --but only if you hurry--for the low, low price of


Rubbery, plasticky pigs

Here's a collection of little piggies for Freddy fans. I used these little rubbery, plasticky pigs as b.b. gun targets, so they are a bit pockmarked and dented, but anyone who plunks down good money to read the repellent Freddy books probably wouldn't mind spending a buck each for these little guys. Let's see, that would be eight times a dollar, but I'll let them all go for

(You're Too Late. Sold.)

Orphan Annie 1935 decoder

Here is my old, yet fully functional Radio Orphan Annie Secret Society decoder from way back in 1935 when I was a lad. It still works fine--guaranteed. I don't say that it's a powerful encryption device which must be kept from falling into the wrong hands or exported to unfriendly or suspicious countries, but it could definitely help you come up with computer passwords. It may even help you decode passages relevant to your financial situation in the Federal Tax Code before April 15.  I believe that this vintage item which retains such a high degree of usefulness and beauty must command all of


Oteseraga County Sportsmen's Club pin

This little canoe emblem was the official club pin of the now-defunct Oteseraga County Sportsmen's Club. I was a member briefly and sported this pin at the club meetings and about town until they drummed me out at the insistence of C. Jimson Camphor (a member of its board of trustees) following a certain unpleasantness inaccurately depicted in Freddy Goes Camping. It is in super-fine condition and, yes, the pin on the back is intact. The ruler may be for grabs at my next sale, but for the pin, let's say an even

(Sorry. Sold.) 

Post's detective badge

Ah! I wonder if the bidder who purchased Frederick's 1932 Post's Junior Detective Corps booklet in lot #2 of my Internet Yard Sale 2000 would be interested in this item. I came across this old Post premium badge while rummaging around in an old box containing some household items I helped to rescue from the Beans' house fire many years ago and which I simply forgot to return. I am fairly certain that this nifty little item (which must certainly have accompanied the booklet) belonged to none other than Frederick Bean himself, although Jinx or Madeline may have been the owner. The booklet wound up in a Bean farm scrapbook and didn't suffer any damage at all at the hands of Freddy; however, this badge is not what I would exactly describe as in mint or near-mint condition, because the pin on the back is a little bent. But the badge will display well! I offer it for a mere


Strange Centerboro postcard

Here you have an old postcard from old Centerboro, splendid in its bizarreness. I am selling it on consignment. I have no idea what it means, and neither does anyone else I have asked. The card was glued to some kind of thicker gray paper, and the whole thing shows its age and wear. But wouldn't this make a simply marvelous addition to your collection of Centerboro items anyway? You bet it would, and in order to beat all the others who feel the same identical way, you'd better get in gear and send me


Old pencil box

This is an old pencil box featuring a barefoot bumpkin pursuing a spotted pig over hill and over dale. I purchased it at the Tushville flea market years ago to keep drill bits in, but since I don't drill anything anymore after that little accident which has left a portion of my right thigh permanently numb, I guess I can bear to part with it. The bits will be on sale at my actual yard sale at the end of May, but I thought I'd give you a chance to buy the box if you can't make it to that sale. How much for such a novel item with a sort-of connection to the Freddy series? I wouldn't mind seeing it go for

(Sorry. Gone.)

Yekkat tooth

Upon my return from my most recent abduction by Martians, the police said that I was clutching this 17-inch item in my left hand. After I was able to retrieve it from the evidence locker at the station, I wondered for the longest time what it might be. Only after a dream in which the Martians communed telepathically with me did I finally learn what it is. It is the fossilized tooth of a ferocious Martian yekkat, a now-extinct creature which I have mentioned before on my site. I do not remember the circumstances under which I came into possession of such a remarkable object (for 99.99% of my experiences while abducted are totally beyond my recall even under hypnosis), but I have no need for this tooth which seems to emanate a kind of vibration that fills me with nameless dread, a vibration which easily penetrates several layers of lead foil and two oven mittens. I offer this stunning, valuable, and one-of-a-kind item to you for an astounding

(Better Luck Next Time. Sold.)

Mr. Ed hand puppet

For the true fan of Walter R. Brooks who must have one of every single Brooksian artifact in existence, here is a Mr. Ed talking hand puppet which I found in a trash can in Sibney Memorial Park. I don't know what it would have said, for the talking mechanism has been damaged. Perhaps some clever reader can repair it. Perhaps you'll want to buy this puppet for parts. Whatever your pleasure, it's all yours for

(Sorry. Sold.)

Tin of bug powder

This is the last of my tins of bug powder, the only one left after my garage sale last summer. It has not been opened, so even though it's pretty old, it's doubtless still as potent as if it had been purchased at the Busy Bee yesterday--that is if the Busy Bee hadn't been demolished years ago. I'll level with you. "Body crawling insects" does mean lice (of all sorts)--but I hasten to point out that many lice-free camping expeditions I've been on were made even better through the miraculous power of this substance. Whining clouds of mosquitoes? Hah! They take one whiff of this stuff and off they go! Daddy long-legs? They won't be crawling over your face in the middle of the night! A light dusting around your dinner plate will keep even the sturdiest ants and hornets away! I'm all done camping out, so this Lucky Heart Laboratories product--perhaps the last tin in existence--is available for

(See You Next Year. Sold.)

Cat ash tray

One of the last of my old ashtrays, here's one for the fans of Jinx, the Bean farm cat. If you're enough of a moron to still smoke despite all the warnings and scientific findings and are bored with the ashtrays you've stolen from hotels or actually purchased, or if you just want a dandy little smoking accessory for your collection of such things, I personally suggest you buy this item right now! I have stubbed out probably fewer than 100 cigarettes in this nearly-new receptacle, so I am not at all embarrassed to ask you for

(Went Quickly. Sold.)  

Porky Pooper

This novelty item was left on my porch by an anonymous well-wisher. It reminds me of the unpublished (unpublishable?) manuscript Freddy the Salesman. Porky here is utterly vulgar, so why would you want such a thing? Well, you just might find it handier than you imagine in any number of painful social situations which call for a quick dose of poor taste. Suppose, for example, you have taken someone out on a first date to a fancy restaurant (or ristorante or bistro). You have both exhausted your supplies of inane social chatter, and the conversation has fallen into an uncomfortable and possibly terminal silence as you wait for the bill. Suddenly you remember the Porky Pooper in your blazer pocket (or purse)! You tell your date, "Close your eyes and open your hand--come on, trust me," carefully position the jelly-bean loaded Porky, and before you know it, you'll both be gasping with laughter or you'll know if you ever want to ask this one out again! I leave it to your imagination to come up with other scenarios in which the Porky Pooper might prove its utility, but if you want "oinking good fun," it'll cost you


Corn Flakes cut out pig mask

A truly spiffy Kellogg's Corn Flakes premium, this "Pork Chop" mask was one of a series (some of which today would not be politically correct at all) that could be cut out and donned after following a few simple instructions. I always intended to make a dart board out of this somewhat disconcerting visage, but was always too busy with more important projects. This is another of those "sort-of" Freddyish things that I hope you will not be able to resist at the ridiculously low asking price of

(On Hold)
(Now Sold.)

Space Cadet cereal premium

Here's another cereal premium for you. I remember cutting it out of the side of a box of cereal back in the fifties, but I cannot remember the cereal brand. I suppose that cutting and assembling this thing and then wearing it around my neck at a costume party at the Moose Hall may have diminished its value somewhat in the eyes of collectors of such ephemera, so I'll ask only


(I will autograph this item upon request free of charge!)

Autographed photo

Here is an autographed photo from one of the Bean family albums. It is shakily signed in slightly spluttery fountain pen by Mr. Brooks. On the back is a penciled notation to the effect that this picture was taken at a talent show contest at the Cinema Palace and that Mr. Brooks (the front half of the donkey) and Ollie Groper (the back half) are performing with Priscilla Belette. (There's more about Miss Belette in my interviews with her here and here.)There is no mention of who won the contest or the exact date of the event. I suppose that Mr. Brooks participated in this show just for larks during one of his visits to Centerboro. I offer this incredible unframed and slightly murky photo for only

(First Item To Go! Sold.)

See you next spring!


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