that special extra-deluxe blend of the very
New for 2017!
And that's not all!
But hold on! There's even more!
Remember, "Others imitate, but the original Hallowthanxmas™ is still the finest!"
If you cannot read or comprehend this information, do not purchase or expose yourself to Hallowthanxmas™ products. If you do not have adequate medical insurance and access to immediate emergency medical care, do not purchase or expose yourself to Hallowthanxmas™ products. If your annual radiation dose exceeds 20 mSv, it is recommended that you do not store your Hallowthanxmas™ products on site. Use all Hallowthanxmas™ products at your own risk, only as directed, and with extreme caution. Thanx-a-Baum™, Table-Top-a-Baum™, Thanx-a-Dex™, and Thanx-a-Card™ products are not necessarily unsafe when handled following all procedures and guidelines detailed in the separately purchased "Complete Installation Directions and Safety Issues" DVD. Thanx-a-Baum™, Thanx-a-Dex™, and Thanx-a-Card™ products are not toys and are designed and intended for use by responsible adults only.
Avoid drinking any fluids containing alcohol, artificial sweeteners, or artificial colors for a minimum of one day before and after installation of your Thanx-a-Baum, Table-Top-a-Baum, and Thanx-a-Dex products. If you have undergone any procedure(s) involving high-resolution body imaging including but not limited to CAT scans or MRIs during the previous year, do not come into close proximity to Hallowthanxmas products; the same warning applies if you have undergone more than one dental-related x-ray imaging (also known as "pictures" as in "It's been a while since you've had pictures.") procedure. Always use the dustmask, coveralls, and disposable gloves included with your Thanx-a-Baum and Table-Top-a-Baum for unpacking, installation, and disassembly. If you have open wounds or sores on your face or scalp, wear a thermoplastic face shield (not supplied) and a suitable head covering (not supplied) during unpacking, installation, and disassembly. Unpack your new Thanx-a-Baum or Table-Top-a-Baum outdoors. Use a pressure washer to thoroughly rinse the unpacked unit, and allow it to dry and air out for at least one week before bringing indoors. Always install your Thanx-a-Baum and/or Table-Top-a-Baum in a well-ventilated room at least five feet from heat sources and electrical outlets and appliances. Before you begin installation of your Thanx-a-Baum or Table-Top-a-Baum, completely enclose the work area with 12.0 mil heavy-duty plastic sheets (not included). Do not allow the Thanx-a-Baum or Table-Top-a-Baum to come into direct contact with skin and/or mucous membranes before, during, or after installation. If your eyes become irritated during installation, remove gloves before flushing eyes for a minimum of five minutes with cold water. Always put on a new pair of gloves before resuming installation. After installation, do not climb on the Thanx-a-Baum. Do not make adjustments to the installed Thanx-a-Baum or Table-Top-a-Baum without wearing disposable gloves. After adjustments, dispose of gloves immediately. Do not reuse. The coveralls supplied with your Thanx-a-Baum may be reused. Wash them separately from any other clothing. Use cold water and unscented detergent on the regular wash cycle. Do not use bleach. Hang outside to dry. Do not place in an electric or gas dryer. The dustmask may be reused up to three times following a thorough rinsing after each use. Do not lie down, nap, or sleep for at least two full hours after handling any Hallowthanxmas products. Do not drive or operate heavy equipment for 24 hours after handling Hallowthanxmas products.
Do not place electronic devices including train sets directly under your installed Thanx-a-Baum or Table-Top-a-Baum. Do not place tinsel or electrical lights on the Thanx-a-Baum or Table-Top-a-Baum. Do not use the Thanx-a-Baum or Table-Top-a-Baum as an antenna or drying rack. Children under the age of twelve, the elderly, and mammal and avian pets should not remain in close proximity to the Thanx-a-Baum or Table-Top-a-Baum for periods exceeding fifteen minutes. Do not nap within a radius of ten feet of the Thanx-a-Baum or Table-Top-a-Baum. While Thanx-a-Baum or Table-Top-a-Baum units are capable of significantly raising melanin levels, do not use them as tanning devices. Thanx-a-Dex components present a choking hazard. If Thanx-a-Dex products begin to peel or flake, dispose of them at once following local ordinances for hazardous waste containment. Do not handle Thanx-a-Dex components without gloves. Under no circumstances should you wear any Thanx-a-Dex components, especially "Scorchin' Santa II" and "Atomic Glow Clown." If your Thanx-a-Baum-a-Luminator begins to vibrate, hum loudly, or emit smoke, immediately disconnect it from its power source and allow it to cool to room temperature before moving it to an outdoor location. Do not stare directly into the Thanx-a-Baum-a-Luminator.Only qualified electricians should attempt to make repairs to the Thanx-a-Baum-a-Luminator.
Thanx-a-Card products are not edible. In case of accidental ingestion, do not induce vomiting. Report to the nearest hospital emergency room or poison control center immediately. Do not include Thanx-a-Card products in recycling. Cards may be placed in your ordinary trash. If you shred Thanx-a-Card products prior to disposal, wear a dust mask for protection against airborne particles and clean the shredder blades and basket thoroughly afterwards. Under no circumstances should you deliberately produce and then concentrate and inhale Thanx-a-Card particles. Do not write upon Thanx-a-Cards with any implement whose ink contains volatile chemicals. Possible health risks owing to the use of graphite pencils with Thanx-a-Cards have not been established. Crayons and carbon-alumina chalk blend pencils have been found relatively safe to use. Do not alter Thanx-a-Cards for use in projects such as scrapbooking, collages, or papier-mâché constructions!
It is strongly recommended that you do not leave your fully assembled Thanx-a-Baum and/or Table-Top-a-Baum up for more than seventy-two hours. When they are not in use, carefully seal all Hallowthanxmas products in their original packages and store them in a cool, dry place out of the reach of minors or pets and well away from air ducts and vents. If you anticipate a cumulative radiation dose exceeding 20 mSv during the coming year, store your Hallowthanxmas products in a well-ventilated off-site location. Wear dust mask, coveralls, and gloves during the process of disassembly and storage. Follow all procedures detailed in the "Complete Installation Directions and Safety Issues" DVD which may be purchased for $24.95. A rebate of 50% of the price of the installation DVD may be claimed upon your furnishing evidence of having purchased ten (10) or more Thanx-a-Dex modules.
Always talk to your doctor/prescriber/healthcare provider before purchasing Hallowthanxmas products! The EHA Industries legal department recommends that you obtain a thorough physical examination and complete review of your medical history and current prescriptions from a highly qualified physician before making your first Hallowthanxmas product purchase or exposing yourself to such products. Deliberate or inadvertent failure to do so will significantly increase the likelihood of your experiencing mild to severe side effects from handling Hallowthanxmas products.
Under no circumstances should you purchase and/or touch Hallowthanxmas products if you cannot reach above your head and/or open and close both hands easily; have consumed smoked meat in the month prior to exposure; have a history of abusing nonprescription, prescription, or street drugs; have a history of alcohol addiction; donated a kidney or been on dialysis; used or are using tobacco in any form whatsoever; used or are using any smoking cessation drug whatsoever; intend to father a child, become pregnant, or are breastfeeding; experienced any of the following conditions: asthma, respiratory allergies, overactive thyroid, underactive thyroid, poor bladder control, chronic constipation, cardiovascular disease, heart failure, arteriosclerosis, hypertension, liver or kidney disease, sleep apnea, cancer, angioedema, epilepsy, diabetes, glaucoma, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis, dementia, any type of fungal infection, any psychotic disorder, manic depression, myasthenia gravis, sleep apnea, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, or more than two moderate to severe sunburns in your lifetime; are currently taking prescription drugs that are advertised on television or that are the subject of full-page information bulletins in magazines, newspapers, or other print media.
Common side effects associated with near-proximity to and/or physical contact with the Thanx-a-Baum, Table-Top-a-Baum, Thanx-a-Dex modules, and Thanx-a-Cards include, but are not limited to: festering sores, blistering of skin and mucous membranes, second and third degree burns, unsightly canker sores, patchy hair loss, swelling of the nose, hives, bone loss, low-grade fever, nausea, loss of coordination, vertigo, blurred vision, temporary loss of vision, sensitivity to light, world-class headaches, spinning sensations, heebie-jeebies, yellowing of the skin or whites of the eye, lumpy growths on head, dry mouth, bloody sputum, sore throat, hoarseness, drooling, changes in the taste of food and drink, tachycardia, flu-like symptoms, nosebleeds, sleeplessness, drowsiness, burning or painful sensations during elimination (both #1 and #2), no sensations during elimination (both #1 and #2), toxic epidermal necrolysis, permanent erosion of the esophagus, anaphylactic shock, muscle weakness, fine and gross tremors, "Shifty Eye" Syndrome, shallow breathing, convulsions, substernal chest pain, bloating, flatulence, leg cramps, numbness and/or tingling in extremities, tinnitus, dysphagia, the jitters, immense goiter-like growths, edema of tongue, bloody urine, renal failure, intestinal bleeding, spastic bowel, bloody stools, black stools, clay-colored stools, tarry stools, "Pellet Poop" Syndrome, hot flashes, desiccated prostate, irreversible erectile dysfunction, dysmenorrhea, persistent yeast infections, trouble concentrating, impulsivity, difficulty distinguishing between wants and needs, non-stop hand wringing, laughing at extremely unfunny things, vague feelings of uneasiness, not-so-vague feelings of uneasiness, impressions that things are not quite right, aggressiveness or overt hostility, murderous rages, strange dreams or vivid nightmares, compulsive counting, urge to spell words on signs backwards, obsession with intractable mathematical problems, unpleasant hallucinations, repetitive tying and untying of knots, panic attacks, confusion, apathy, echolalia, incessant blabbing, thoughts of hurting yourself or (especially) others, increased risk-taking behaviors, depersonalization, suicidal thoughts, and mild to moderate depression. In certain instances, tuberculosis, stroke, primary CNS lymphoma, Stevens-Johnson Syndrome, Tourette's-like tics, bleeding lungs, blindness, grand mal seizures, persistent thoughts of persecution, aggravation of pre-existing ADHD, suicide, and non-self-induced death have been associated with exposure to Hallowthanxmas products. In two instances, the development of tadpole-like caudal appendages following exposure to Atomic Glow Clown have been recorded. This is not a complete list of side effects. Physical contact with and/or near proximity to Thanx-a-Baum standard models, Table-Top-a-Baum, Thanx-a-Dex ornamental modules, and Thanx-a-Cards is likely to produce numerous mild to fatal side effects other than those listed here.
° This webpage exists for
informational and instructional purposes only and should not be
understood or interpreted as an invitation, inducement, or
encouragement to purchase and/or install and/or place oneself or others
in the physical presence of Hallowthanxmas™ products. EHA Industries
assumes no responsibility or liability for the use, misuse,
interpretation, or misinterpretation of information contained in the
"Happy Hallowthanxmas!" web page and the "Complete Installation
Directions and Safety Issues" VHS tape or DVD. Eha Industries assumes
absolutely no responsibility and/or liability for the use or accidental
or deliberate misuse of Hallowthanxmas™ products.
*** or 30 days from time of purchase, whichever occurs first.
are guaranteed to fade over time.
****** Never look directly at "Scorchin' Santa II" or "Atomic Glow Clown." Do not view "Scorchin' Santa II" or "Atomic Glow Clown" through any optical device such as, but not limited to, a magnifying glass, telescope, or binoculars. These ornaments may be viewed relatively safely through number 14 welder's glass. If you cannot obtain welder's glass, use a small mirror to project an image of "Scorchin' Santa II" or "Atomic Glow Clown" onto a shaded wall for your viewing pleasure.
******* The envy of others is neither likely nor guaranteed.
******** Distribution of any "Happy Hallowthanxmas"™ image to
more than a reasonable number of recipients as defined after the fact
by EHA Industries, Inc. will result in ligitation.
Copyright 2001-2017 by EHA Industries, Inc. Our legal agents search daily for deliberate or unintentional copyright and trademark violations of Eha Industries' intellectual and real properties rights. Eha Industries vigorously pursues legal remedy for all such violations. Reproduction in any perceptual or imperceptible form of this web page and/or its contents or any part thereof is strictly forbidden and subject to prosecution under any and all applicable local, state, federal, and international laws and treaties.